F*ck the Should's - March 12, 2020
How do I explain that my tolerance for high stress has become very low? How do I make sense of it for myself?
When I became aware of this lower tolerance, I initially felt weakened, fragile, less than. While I am not a sloth, I'm not the Energizer Bunny either and prefer to move at a slower pace. I know how I want to pace myself daily to stay emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy. But my ego can be loud. It will chastise me about being weak and not being able to handle twice as much as I see colleagues, friends, and family do.
The mantra, "What is wrong with me?" begins.
Why am I not strong enough? My mother did not raise me to be weak-minded or have puny will power. "Buck up, rub some dirt in it, and move on."
I have specific responsibilities that create significant stress and place me in unhealthy situations to do the "right" thing. I continue to learn how to push back and take what appears to others as the "easy road."
Does this mean I am weak or a coward?
My ego tells me that I am. I should stop being silly and do the "right" thing even if it puts me in a toxic situation. "For heaven's sake, how is it toxic? It's not like you are being asked to drink poison. Come on now, get with the program."
What I now understand is it is easier to buckle under and go with the status quo. To do what others think is right. To allow ego to rule. Thankfully in recent years, my heart has started to become a louder voice (heart vs. ego). "Wait a minute," my heart says.
"Living intentionally and in a way that allows you to be aware and mindful is not weak. If anything, this way of living requires more strength and courage because you are going against the status quo. You are being you – authentic and rebelling against a social construct that embraces chaos and insanity. You are marching to the beat of your own drummer, and that is good. Celebrate slowing down. You have started to love this path. Keep going."
The heart's voice provides daily peace, balance, creativity, and joy.
The should's encourage a life of living by other's rules. It promotes perfectionism – aka chaos and insanity. The should's force a lifestyle of flight, fight, or freeze. It is a stressful place to “live.” It makes me feel nauseous and creates an unhealthy lifestyle.
I have learned the value of slowing down and taking time to consider what I want to take on. Responsibilities are still honored but with a calmer, confident approach. I know who I am. A strong woman who is sensitive and compassionate. I understand what is right for me and what is not right for me and maintain those boundaries even when it is going against the grain of what others think is "right." I am done moving at breakneck speed. It is not the way of the heart.
The heart encourages freedom through choice. A calmer place to "live." A world of contemplation, wisdom, and respect. It allows the logical brain to maintain balance.
Slow and steady wins the race!
© 2013-2020 Kelly Marker, Charlie’s Wisdom All Rights Reserved
