"Pawsing" for Trust
Maggie, 10 weeks old
People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. Carl Rogers
Charlie’s passing on December 31, 2020, left a big hole in my heart and my life. While I logically knew I would never be able to replace him, I still longed for a companion like him to be a part of my everyday life. If you have ever had a dog, you know the joy, delight, and fullness they can add to your world.
Born on December 3, 2020, Maggie and I met eight weeks later in a barn on a cold, wintery day in January. I picked her out of the litter of puppies snuggling together under their warming lamps. Or maybe she chose me. She consistently gravitated toward me, insisting I play with her, not others. A ¾ chocolate lab and ¼ Weimaraner, Maggie has a beautiful, smooth brown coat with red highlights and big, round, human-like, golden eyes. Her unique personality is aloof but snuggly. She wants to please me, but on her terms.
It took time for Maggie and me to develop our bond. I was still grieving for Charlie, and she was a challenging puppy with enormous energy who loved shredding my houseplants, chewing on granite rocks we had gathered on hiking adventures with Charlie in the Black Hills, and tormenting Lizzie, our then three-year-old German Shepherd. Long walks and consistent training did nothing to wear her out. It was exhausting and exasperating to keep up with her, and I started to believe I had made a mistake in getting her so soon after losing Charlie.
Guilty as charged!
Shortly after Maggie entered our lives, a friend warned me about the Weimaraner’s personality. She said that everything would become a negotiation. She wasn’t wrong. Maggie marches to the beat of her unique drummer most days. “Oh, you want me to come in the house, but I’m not done exploring the yard (for the one-thousandth time).” Sometimes, a treat will entice her to do what I ask, and sometimes, she looks at me with those big golden eyes as if I was asking the stupidest question in the world. It depends on her mood and what she wants.
Some things are an unqualified no for Maggie. For example, touching her feet is an absolute no-go. I did everything I knew, plus what the trainers coached me to do, to desensitize Maggie to allow her feet to be touched, but she would NOT have it—not even by another dog or cat.
If you touch her paw, Maggie will immediately jerk it away and look at you like you committed a heinous crime against her. If you try it again, you will get a low grumble. Not growl. She has never growled or snapped at anyone. But she will grumble, letting you know your behavior is not acceptable. She will get up and leave with an audible harumph if you persist. Her back feet seem more sensitive to touch than her front feet.
Occasionally, our wily cat, Sammie, will try to snuggle with Maggie, which is okay unless Sammie inadvertently touches Maggie’s feet. Sammie will get a soft warning kick to move away. The next kick is more forceful. If Sammie does not acquiesce, then Maggie grudgingly moves away, surrendering the warm blanket for Sammie to stretch out luxuriously. (Perhaps this is Sammie’s master plan)
That’s Maggie’s personality in a nutshell. Unlike Charlie, she is not happy-go-lucky, wanting to please me at every turn. She knows what she wants, and everything else becomes a negotiation. Blessedly, she has the labrador love of treats, which made training slightly easier.
We managed to graduate from puppy preschool and basic obedience classes. But Maggie needed more mental stimulation to help release some energy. An introductory AKC tricks class looked fun and exciting.
One of the tasks in this class was to learn how to teach your dog to shake your hand. This trick is relatively easy to learn if the dog is okay with having its feet touched. However, we had to learn this trick differently because of Maggie’s proclivity.
With the trainer's expert, gentle coaching, I sat before Maggie and held my palm up low to the floor. Anytime she moved her paw, I rewarded and encouraged her. Slowly, she set her paw on my palm—fleetingly, at first, then for longer intervals. I learned not to fold my hand around her paw. She learned to trust that I would respect her boundaries.
That’s when I got it! Maggie has boundaries and will not be manipulated to let them fold—a grand lesson for all of us.
A Bond is Formed
It was a turning point in our relationship. Like all creatures on this planet, Maggie is unique. Why would I try to change her just to fit my needs and desires?
We have developed a robust and trusting bond by letting go of the idea that Maggie has let me handle her feet. Instead, I found a Maggie-approved groomer, who she recognized as a professional, and allowed them to trim her nails. She still does not like it but seems to understand it’s necessary.
Relationships are built on respect, trust, and acceptance. I do not try to change the colors of the sunset. It is perfect. Maggie is perfect, too. By taking the time to understand Maggie’s language, personality, and unique traits, she began to trust I would honor her differences, and our relationship has unfolded beautifully.
© 2013-2024 Kelly Marker, Charlie’s Wisdom All Rights Reserved
The information and material on this blog are based on my personal opinions and experiences. It is not intended as professional mental health advice. The ideas and strategies should never be used without first assessing your mental health situation or without consulting a mental health professional. My thoughts and opinions will continue to evolve and change as I grow and learn.
