A New Journey - January 7, 2020
I saw a Facebook post that shared and interesting and truthful thought:
Being taught to avoid talking about politics and religion has led to a lack of understanding of politics and religion. What we should have been taught was how to have a civil conversation about a difficult topic.
The question then is, why is it so challenging for humans to have these difficult conversations? The answer is complex and the need to understand the overall human condition. However, I believe that one aspect of the answer rests is the desire to belong. We are social creatures that have an ancient need to belong to the broader community. Being different runs the risk of being ostracized.
During the time of the caveman, it was instinctual to push out members of the tribe that were different, chronically ill, disabled or had trouble keeping up. It was about survival for the group, not the one. We continue to see this harsh reality in the animal kingdom today. In the immortal words of Spock (yes, I love Star Trek, but that's a story for a different time), "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one."
Different was a threat to basic survival. And so, the majority evolved with the belief that different is not acceptable. Skepticism and fear often suppressed new ideas or viewpoints.
For example, in the 16th century, Galileo recognized that Earth was not the center of the universe but revolved around the Sun. The inquisition tried and convicted Galileo of heresy for his scientific discovery and inventions. His findings were different from conventional beliefs, thus perceived as a threat to how society made sense of the world. There are many such examples throughout history. Can you imagine what this life would look like today had we continued to discount and repress scientific discoveries?
Our beliefs and values guide us through this human journey and give us a framework for how we live our life. We want to defend what is right for us. Anything different becomes a perceived threat to the well-being of our belief system, our core, and how we conduct our life.
The confrontation of core beliefs may lead to the ego*, or the "I," feeling attacked. In the case of tough conversations, protection takes the form of criticism, ridicule, punishment, or banishment — consequently, hostility and fear plague difficult discussions. The desire to belong is a motivating emotion to conform and avoid the confrontation.
What does it take to have a civil conversation about controversial topics? To have the ability to expand your worldview without feeling your sense of self threatened is a skill. I believe that curiosity is a crucial factor. You are working to understand the other side's point of view. Why do they hold so firmly to their beliefs?
It also takes an understanding of how your beliefs developed. "Just because" is not an appropriate answer. To dig deeper and learn more about yourself takes courage. Learning about yourself and others may change how you see the world, or it may not. Either is okay. Change is uncomfortable and often feels like traveling down a rutted dirt road. Can you be flexible enough to see both points of view or to allow your point of view to be influenced.
It's okay to agree to disagree and still be friends, family, lovers, colleagues, teammates, and so on. It is a mindset, to be sure - a different approach to how one views the overall world as well as the inner experience of their world. Consider how civil discourse could help find common ground and more effective, dignified solutions — contemplating the differences instead of outright rejection.
One approach to living a passionate and full life is to open to new perspectives. This journey requires confidence and a solid understanding of the self. It is an opportunity to enhance your human experience.
Will you dismiss my voice as radical, crazy, silly, or naive? This article in and of itself may spark some uneasiness. It is a gentle challenge to your perspective and encourages you to be curious. Adventure does not always mean taking a trip. Lean into the discomfort and start an alternative journey of discovery.
* I'm using the modern definition of ego, not Freud's psychoanalytic ego. Ego – a sense of self-worth and self-confidence. It is "I."
© 2013-2020 Kelly Marker, Charlie’s Wisdom All Rights Reserved
